Death... My father-in-law, whom I call Appa passed away on 26th January, 2014, Republic Day. He was just 59 years old and had retired 8 months back. An ex-military man, he was simple, loving and treated me like his own daughter. Appa had big dreams and his enthusiasm for modern-day gadgets especially mobiles surpassed any 16 year old's. I often visualize him nowadays sitting on top of a cloud, wearing full-sleeve white shirt, with the latest iPhone in his hand and laughing at the foolish antics of us mere mortals. RIP Appa.
His death made me pause and think hard. We find an excuse to celebrate and plan everything and anything - birthdays, marriages, friends' promotions, cousin's first-trip-to-America, our favourite hero's movie release, even the neighbour's dog's naming ceremony.... yet mention the only certain thing in our lives - Death - and we behave as if it's a horror story that happens in our TV sets and not in real life. How do we leave it to chance that once we are dead, people will automatically come to know how we wanted our funerals to be? Naturally our Ghosts will not protest from their graves (I personally don't intend to cause a stampede after my death and spoil the chances of a peaceful funeral). This is scarier if you are an Indian woman - People somehow assume that as a pati-vratha wife, you are supposed to be buried or cremated as per your husband's family-customs. Well, if you are dead, there is nothing much you can say or do about it.
So before it's too late, here's my Death wish-list of do's and dont's:
1) Donate and cherish - It's my wish from the time I read my first Reader's Digest book (an article on how a family had pledged to donate their organs after death had moved me to tears) that whatever is re-usable in my body should be reused. For God's sake, 6-feet under the earth, these organs would otherwise be soon digested by bugs. Instead donate to someone, who will value those organs for life.
2) Keep it simple, dress cool - A BIG no for me is the heavy kanchipuram saree, bridal make-up and jewellery. A simple, neatly-ironed, white cotton kurta and salwar will do for me. India is a hot country and I plan to dress cool for the big occasion.
3) White & yellow roses - I am a simple person at heart. So please don't burden with me with garish ribbons, orange marigolds, stringy jasmines and purple-gold decorations. White and yellow roses will suffice to say that 'You meant a lot to me'.
4) No band-bajaa-baraat - Simple is the keyword here again. There is a reason that Death is called 'eternal sleep'. So please let me sleep peacefully - no thappatam, kutthu or drinking and dancing in front of my funeral procession. Just lead me solemnly to the graveyard, bury me peacefully and move on!
5) Women aren't chinaware - In some cultures in India women are not allowed to go to the graveyard. Oh come on, we have periods and give birth, we are not made of glass to break at the first glimpse of a dead body. I want the women to be fully present at the Graveyard saying their last goodbyes - otherwise no funeral, sorry!
6) Finally, move on - I am dead and it's done once I am buried. No celebrating 16th day, 40th day, feeding crows, giving clothes to relatives.... Be assured, I will move on even if these rituals aren't followed.
There ends my simple Death Wish-list. Please note that this list can be modified/ amended based on my whims and fancies in future. And anyone who doesn't adhere strictly to the above list.... Beware, my Ghost will come back to haunt you!!!!
His death made me pause and think hard. We find an excuse to celebrate and plan everything and anything - birthdays, marriages, friends' promotions, cousin's first-trip-to-America, our favourite hero's movie release, even the neighbour's dog's naming ceremony.... yet mention the only certain thing in our lives - Death - and we behave as if it's a horror story that happens in our TV sets and not in real life. How do we leave it to chance that once we are dead, people will automatically come to know how we wanted our funerals to be? Naturally our Ghosts will not protest from their graves (I personally don't intend to cause a stampede after my death and spoil the chances of a peaceful funeral). This is scarier if you are an Indian woman - People somehow assume that as a pati-vratha wife, you are supposed to be buried or cremated as per your husband's family-customs. Well, if you are dead, there is nothing much you can say or do about it.
So before it's too late, here's my Death wish-list of do's and dont's:
1) Donate and cherish - It's my wish from the time I read my first Reader's Digest book (an article on how a family had pledged to donate their organs after death had moved me to tears) that whatever is re-usable in my body should be reused. For God's sake, 6-feet under the earth, these organs would otherwise be soon digested by bugs. Instead donate to someone, who will value those organs for life.
2) Keep it simple, dress cool - A BIG no for me is the heavy kanchipuram saree, bridal make-up and jewellery. A simple, neatly-ironed, white cotton kurta and salwar will do for me. India is a hot country and I plan to dress cool for the big occasion.
3) White & yellow roses - I am a simple person at heart. So please don't burden with me with garish ribbons, orange marigolds, stringy jasmines and purple-gold decorations. White and yellow roses will suffice to say that 'You meant a lot to me'.
4) No band-bajaa-baraat - Simple is the keyword here again. There is a reason that Death is called 'eternal sleep'. So please let me sleep peacefully - no thappatam, kutthu or drinking and dancing in front of my funeral procession. Just lead me solemnly to the graveyard, bury me peacefully and move on!
5) Women aren't chinaware - In some cultures in India women are not allowed to go to the graveyard. Oh come on, we have periods and give birth, we are not made of glass to break at the first glimpse of a dead body. I want the women to be fully present at the Graveyard saying their last goodbyes - otherwise no funeral, sorry!
6) Finally, move on - I am dead and it's done once I am buried. No celebrating 16th day, 40th day, feeding crows, giving clothes to relatives.... Be assured, I will move on even if these rituals aren't followed.
There ends my simple Death Wish-list. Please note that this list can be modified/ amended based on my whims and fancies in future. And anyone who doesn't adhere strictly to the above list.... Beware, my Ghost will come back to haunt you!!!!
